So Busy Doing Nothing

I HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF THAT THERE’S A REASON I’M TRYING SO HARD TO DO ALL THESE THINGS AND SOON I WILL REACH MY FINISH LINE.

HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN ON SO MUCH THAT YOU FEEL YOU AREN’T MAKING ANY PROGRESS AT ALL? THAT’S WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW.

NEW JOB

NEW BUSINESS

NEW SELF HEALING CLASSES

NEW COACHING CLASSES

NEW BOOKS TO READ

NEW SCHEDULES

SO OVERWHELMED AT THE MOMENT THAT I DONT KNOW HOW OTHER PEOPLE GET IT ALL DONE. I MEAN, MY HOUSE IS A MESS. MY REFRIGERATOR IS EMPTY AND MY DIRTY CLOTHES RUNETH OVER.

AS I WRITE THIS I HAVE TWO CHROME WINDOWS OPEN, EACH WITH 20 ACTIVE TABS, EXCEL IS OPEN, MY PERSONAL EMAIL, MY WORK EMAIL, POWERPOINT AND MY CALENDAR.

TRYING TO DO IT ALL AT ONCE!

I’m Back. I’m Happy. I Believe.

It’s been almost 3 months since my last post and I have to say that while things have changed drastically for me, it’s all been inner change for me.

I finally let go of what I can’t control and it’s been freeing. Don’t get me wrong, I still stress but these days it’s more about my finances than anything else but I’m working on that day by day.

My husband and I are still separated but we are getting along so much better. We even took a couples trip to South Beach last weekend. I know many of you will criticize me for that but the fact is that we do enjoy eachother’s company. We were best friends once and we’re learning to let go of the past. Does that mean that we’ll get back together, I’m not letting that question define what we have now. I’m living in the moment.

I’m also growing my businesses, yes more than one. I dont want to go back to corporate life so I’m learning to grow my income in different ways and in multiple ways.

For One, I got my real estate license. I’m enjoying being a realtor and although some days I work longer hours than ever, it’s because I choose to and not because someone is making me.

Ultimately I’d like to invest in real estate but I have a lot of financial housekeeping to do before I get there.

One thing I’ve learned through these very difficult times is that you can never get too comfortable – not in your job or your marriage. You always need to work at it.

3 Simple Steps to Get the Most Out of Your Mentor

I started working in corporate America 20+ years ago. During those 20 years I built lots of relationships and worked my butt off to climb the corporate ladder.

Having mentors and sponsors is always a good thing, it helps push you and makes you more accountable for your actions, promises and should push you to achieve your goals without having the pressure of having to ask your boss for advice.

But sometimes having a mentor or a sponsor within your same company is almost the same as talking to your boss. No matter how big the company is, everyone knows each other and everyone talks. Our company had a mentor program, Where they would match you up with a mentor that can help you with what you determined were things that you wanted to develop. But, like I said before everyone knows each other and everyone talks so you don’t have the freedom just say exactly what you really want To say.

There are lots of organizations or meet up groups that are trying to fill this gap. But, they often cater to niche groups or don’t have real structure.

If you’re lucky enough to have a mentor in your company or outside of your company, there are three things that you should focus on.

 

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Here are 3 Simple Steps to Get the Most Out of Your Mentor

1. What’s the Problem? – What are you trying to solve? Know what exactly what it is that you want or need to help with. What is your development area? You want your mentor to be strong in the area that you feel you need personal or professional development. If you’re unsure what your development areas are, That is something that you can discuss with your manager or even your peers as a way. At your next 1:1 meeting with your manager you can ask…

 

“Hi, I wanted to ask you if there was anything you feel I should focus on more or need to work on? I think real time feedback is important so I hope you wouldn’t mind sharing with me now.”

 

2. What’s the Assessment of the Problem? – Have at least three questions for your mentor each time that you meet with them. Have a notebook or wherever you want to take notes of all of your sessions to keep track of what he’s asked you to do, what you’re looking to accomplish and track progress towards during the week. Also jot down any obstacles you face along the way so that your mentor can help you.

 

3. What’s are the ‘Possible’ Solutions? – Solutions to the problems you’ve defined or discovered in Step 1. Come up with clear goals you feel may address the feedback you’ve received. When creating goals always have 3 goals in 3 categories….

                        – Tasks to get done before next meeting

                        – Monthly Goals

                        – Quarterly Goals

 

Anything longer than quarterly Goals isn’t necessary at this point. You can talk about your longterm plans or vision with your mentor so they can steer you in the right direction but for week to week discussions this breakdown is fine. Now these goals can be an mix of personal development and professional development or even very specific project task oriented goals that are part of your job.

You want to treat these sessions like a professional meeting. You may not want to get too formal but you definitely want to have some formality at the meeting in order it to be truly productive for you. I’ve experienced many mentor sessions where we were just shooting the breeze having coffee and I got nothing out of it.

When selecting your mentor, Make sure you ask them if they would like to be your mentor so that they truly understand that they’re there to help you and not just a friend or colleague that’s giving you advice. Give them the highlights of the things that you need help with to see if they feel that they can actually help you with details.

Remember to take these things seriously. Come prepared, come on time, come dressed professionally to show your mentor respect for his or her time.

Now remember that a mentor/mentee relationship is important. Not everyone is meant to be a mentor, so don’t get discouraged if your first mentor does not meet your needs. You both need to feel comfortable with this new relationship. There’s no shame in telling your mentor that you don’t feel you’re a good match for what you want to develop. Your mentor should also change over time as you grow in your career and as your needs change.

I’m lucky enough to have a big network of mentors in my business.

How Death Has Transformed My Life

Have you had one of those days or even years where you just want to give up? Last year was very hard for me and I’m still feeling a lot of the pain from everything that’s happened.

Death of a Marriage, A Loved One and My Career made me re-evaluate my life.

I thought everything was fine. I had a great job, the house of my dreams, a good husband and 3 great kids. From the outside looking in people would think we had it made.

First my husband left me. He moved out. In April my grandfather died — he was like a father to me and I didn’t even mourn him properly because I was so lost about my marriage and I was spiraling in a death spiral. My sister-in-law was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Watching what she’s going though puts life into perspective but also scares the shit out of me. The year ended with me losing my job. So I felt alone and scared but I had to move on and be strong for my kids.

My husband still doesn’t live with us but we’re in a better place.

I’m doing my real estate part-time. I love being home to spend the time with my kids. I get to take them to school, pick them up and be there for all their games. I also have a couple of projects I’m working on for ME.

I’m taking care of myself. Something I didn’t do before. As a mother, wife and employee I was always doing things for someone else. Now I meditate, go to yoga (not as often as I would like), and whatever else I feel like doing for myself whenever I want.

Blogging has helped me release a lot of what I was going through and helped me let go and move on.

2 Productivity Hacks That Can Keep You Focused

 

Are you constantly being pulled into different directions when you’re trying to work on something? Are you trying to do too much at once?

TRY THIS:

1. Pomodoro Technique

I always had a hard time completing a task, even when cleaning my home. I’d start with the dishes became distracted and then went on to sweep but the dishes weren’t done yet and it felt like a never ending cycle.

I recently learning about the Pomodoro Technique and I have noticed a BIG change and more is getting done.

At first it felt silly. I thought to myself, ‘how could I get more done if I kept stopping every 20 minutes?’ But it was perfect for me because I noticed that close to that 20 minute mark I would start to drift my thoughts to something else. This forced me to just STOP my task at the 20 minutes mark, take a break and come back to it.

The 20 minute timer also helped me to actually COMPLETE alot of things in those 20 minutes rather than lag for hours because I was doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

It’s definitely something to get used to especially if you just can’t put your phone down.

Try it for 2 weeks and you wont go back to your old ways of the so-called ‘Multi-Tasking’

2. Post-It

For me, I like the good old fashioned Post-it. I have them all over my office – on my calendar, my whiteboard, my desk, my wall.

I color code them and date them.

I use them as a storyboard of what needs to get done when. As they shift around I cross out the items that have been done.

I like the post-it system because the post-it is small. So you might have ALOT of post-its but they are achievable tasks and if will feel GREAT when you pull one off and crumble it up when the task is done. Taking small steps toward the goal also shows progress and motivates you to keep going. If you’re a manager, it motivates  your team when they see things getting done.

It’s a give and take system.

Nashville

So Excited!!! I’m going to NASHVILLE. I’ll be there 4/21-4/25. If any of my readers will be there drop me a note and I would love to meet you. Looking forward to the great food, great music and great people!!

This will be my first solo trip. No husband. No Kids.

“A lot of young, cool people have moved here in the past six years,” Lily told the magazine. “There are amazing chefs, a lot of new rock’n’roll bands and a lot of young families that have changed Nashville in an amazing way. It’s still Nashville—it’s still got its country music roots—but it’s a fun place to be a part of.”
“We go and watch music once a week,” explains Aldridge. “It’s so awesome that we live in Nashville and these special gigs happen where no one else can see them, and we can just go on a regular Tuesday night.”
– Lily Aldridge, with The Edit August 6, 2015

How to Live Life to Your Potential

Do you feel stuck in your current position? Do you feel unfulfilled and know that there’s more? I’ve been where you are. I was working in corporate america at a financial firm for 20+ years and in the beginning it was exciting. I worked my butt off and I had fun learning. Then something happened… I flatlined. I was bored and it reflected in my work and my attitude. It wasn’t the company, It was me.

1. Strategize to WIN by Carla Harris

She’s amazing. She’s had a great career at Morgan Stanley but did you know that she also sang at Carnegie Hall? This book really hit me to the core. If you ever get a chance to hear her speak you should go.

Click Here to Learn More About Strategize to WIN by Carla Harris

 

2. Thrive by Arianna Huffington

In Thrive, Arianna talks about the importance for us to live life on our own terms and get in touch with who we really are. It amazes me how this very successful woman lives life according to the values that being true to yourself, the importance of sleep and to remake the world in your own image.

Very Inspiring.

Click Here to Learn More About Thrive by Arianna Huffington

3. Mindset – The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck Ph.D.

I love this book and I’m re-reading it again. This doesn’t apply to just your job – this book helps you see how to fulfill your potential in business, school, relationship and parenting.

Learn to retrain and grow your mindset.

 

 

 

How My 2015 Tornado Created Awareness in My Life

My Life was turned upside down last year and I’m still recovering from it. First my husband and best friend of 23 years decided he wasn’t happy with me anymore and moved out. I was devastated.

This quickly lead to a desperation to do anything to save my marriage, when nothing seemed to work I became depressed. I soon lost my job.

I vowed that 2016 would be better. I would stand on my own and do better for myself and my kids.

I start my mornings with 3 basic rituals that get me thru that day.

1. Meditation
2. Affirmations
3. Review My Vision Board

I’m retraining my brain to let go of all that holds me back and starting with a fresh start, fresh belief system and a new me!

 

I had a life that looking in from the outside everyone would think was perfect. My husband and I were both successful executives at a fortune 100 firm. We have 3 great kids and 2 beautiful german shepards. We have a the big house in the suburbs, 2 cars and the kids in private school. I thought we had what everyone dreams to have but I was wrong. The marriage fell apart and soon after everything crumbled for me.

I searched the internet for every self-help, coaching, therapy system I can find to save my marriage.

I finally learned that I can’t change my husband. I had to start with myself.

Lee Baucum and Mort Fertel really helped me to see that the first step with my marriage and any relationship starts with me. I had to be happy with myself while respecting my spouse.

Joel Osteen became my cheerleader. Every minute I had I would listen to his radio channel.

Tim Ferris inspired me to go out there and try whatever I wanted to try. His challenges are inspiring and his 4 Hour methodology to just about anything is something inspiring.

My Life now is getting back on track. I am doing for me. I stopped living around my husbands wants and schedule, and did what made me happy. Still have a long way to go both spiritually and financially but I take it day by day.

 

I started blogging as a way of release. It was my personal escape to share with total strangers my journey.

The Elephant Rope

 

As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.

He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”

The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?

Failure is part of learning; we should never give up the struggle in life.

What am I?

I’ve been tempting this post for a while and each time I just didn’t know what to say. I must have started this over a dozen times. So watching Grey’s Anatomy prompted this question that I am asking myself over and over again.

What am I? I’m not really married but I’m not “not-married”

Things have been pretty  good but there’s still something missing for me. I dont know if it’s just because I dont have my career anymore or because we’re not back together 100% yet. I just feel something’s off.

On another note – So I’ve passed my real estate exam and just waiting on the background check to get started. I’m actually very excited about this. I’m also working with an old colleague of mine to launch a coaching/mentor program for recent college graduates and new to the workforce. I’m excited and nervous about this but I hope it takes off. At least I know that it’s something I know I will enjoy doing everyday and the beauty will be that it’s at my schedule, my pace, my terms.